But I know, I know something.
If I don't know nothing else, I know me. And with all the time I spend alone (to my dismay or great delight) I learn and I grow. I may complain about loneliness, but there's value in it. I believe that. And Lawd knows I got a whole lot of that stored up then. Fear for me, is about digging deeper inside and finding what has been there all along, what i had to go through some things to find and even develop or breathe, it's about finding out how much better things coulda been if I had just done that from jumpstreet.
And there you go.
Without time, how would I have ever gotten that out?
It's hard though, being a writer, to be okay with times when you're (probably meant to) just be journaling/recording you, instead of writing some great story or mindblowing, jawdropping, forever spanning, everything poem.
But then I remember,
that was never really my original reason for or beginning in writing; it's about me getting out me, all this stuff that can't just sit inside of me anymore. something i'd want to share. something someone else might be feeling. something i might need for later. something needed for now. it's just worth it to record yourself, history, moments, what matters--- however ridiculous it may seem later. knowing yourself, seeking understanding and peace and building foundations for connections with others, or even into deeper parts of yourself, is worth it.
I know all the doing is coming, soon enough. And I'll have to fight tooth and nail, and FEEL so many things, and go through so much. I think I'll be liking and appreciating it though. and growing. learning more about recovery from and triumph out of the bad, and how to live in the good.