Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Hella from Giovanni's Room

James Baldwin just be spittin' all kinds of truth and amazingness & humanity & wow. just bare.


“We had been wandering about the city all day and all day Hella had been full of a subject which I had never heard her discuss at such length before: women. She claimed it was hard to be one.
         
‘I don’t see what’s so hard about being a woman. At least, not as long as she’s got a man.’
         
‘That’s just it,’ said she. ‘Hasn’t it ever struck you that that’s a sort of humiliating necessity?’” (124)

“‘But it does seem—well, difficult—to be a the mercy of some gross, unshaven stranger before you can begin to be yourself.’”

“‘Well,’ she said, ‘you may not be a stranger now. But you were once and I’m sure you will be again—many times.’” (125)

“ ‘For a woman,’ she said, ‘I think a man is always a stranger. And there’s something awful about being at the mercy of a stranger.”

“‘Ah!’ she said, ‘men may be at the mercy of women—I think men like that idea, it strokes the misogynist in them. But if a particular man is at the mercy of a particular woman—why, he’s somehow stopped being a man. And the lady, then, is more neatly trapped than ever.”
“I’d like to see you at anybody’s mercy, Hella.”

“‘You may laugh,’ she said, humorously, ‘but there is something in what I say. I began to realize it in Spain—that I wasn’t free, that I couldn’t be free until I was attached—no, committed—to someone.”

“‘I don’t know,’ she said at last, ‘but I’m beginning to think that women get attached to something really by default. They’d give it up, if they could, anytime, for a man. Of course they can’t admit this, and neither can most of them let go of what they have. But I think it kills them—perhaps I only mean,’ she added, after a moment, ‘that it would have killed me.’”
“It isn’t what I’ve got. It isn’t even what I want. It’s that you’ve got me. So now I can be—your obedient and most loving servant.” (126)

“‘Why,’ she said, ‘I’m talking about my life. I’ve got you to take care of and feed and torment and trick and love—I’ve got you to put up with. From now on, I can have a wonderful time complaining about being a woman. But I won’t be terrified that I’m not one.’ She looked at my face, and laughed. ‘Oh, I’ll be doing other things,’ she cried. ‘I won’t stop being intelligent. I’ll read and argue and think and all that—and I’ll make a great point of not thinking your thoughts—and you’ll be pleased because I’m sure the resulting confusion will cause you to see that I’ve only got a finite woman’s mind, after all. And, if God is good, you’ll love me more and more and we’ll be quite happy.’ She laughed again. ‘Don’t bother your head about it, sweetheart. Leave it to me.’” (126)


i can't say that i agree with everything that she's saying but she does raise some very interesting questions/present ideas that i know emotionally and haven't quite been able to vocalize, particularly not feeling like a woman unless i'm wanted not so much with the getting attached to something by default. but yes! to writing a paper on this.

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