So I’m thinking about some things that deem you wisdom-wielding

One of them is having natural hair. Have had this mini conversation about this before, but just in the sense that people expect people with locks to be really intelligent, know a lot about black history and speak in poetry. That’s not what I’m talking about right now. I’m thinking about natural hair as decision. Not as political position but as personal decision and taking a leap. I decided to go natural because I thought it looked cool on a couple people I had seen, I saw through my mother and her red locks it was viable, and because I missed seeing what my hair looked like underneath the relaxer. Personal decision. Yes, black is beautiful. I won’t pretend that it is not layered and varied. Again, this is not my focus. My focus: when people ask me about my hair, how long it was when I cut, who does it and where, what products, is it manageable… It’s about admiration to an extent, and interest but also I feel like it’s a question about choices I’ve made. I don’t see it as a big deal. There are days relaxer seems so far from who I am now… even when I had an afro two years ago. So, back to choices; I feel like I’m being incoherent but, I chose to cut my hair and take it on as things followed because I want to.  I made a choice, one that not many people would’ve been behind or thought would turn out well but I wanted it. I’ve been thinking every once and a while about cutting it. I don’t know if I really will or if I just feel insecure about the maintenance of my locs today. But I know that if I do, it’ll be okay. I’ll get used to changes. I wish I could extend that idea more often into other parts of my life. I’m learning, not to look back too often. I was feeling a little sick until I started to write this (and other things) out. I’m glad, writing fixed me a little. Getting even one answer can be a process, decision making definitely too. One day at a time. And I think my mini-anxiety attack comes from not really appearance but representation. I wonder about what I’m projecting. Am I falling off? (And, I would ask the mirror this before any person.) What does this do to my face? What is my face? Who am I? What’s next? Yes, I’m asking glass. And this has become really long…

Btdubbs. Is it wack that when I Googled "short natural hairstyles" (and Google added "black women" at the end) and I saw this picture of Lauryn Hill, I said to myself, "That's it!?"

Actually, her hair was dope on a regular. Something else I've contemplated, the notion of the "Sweetest Thing." Another subject, for another time. Until then, the beautiful song :]